burnt_heartSurviving an affair

Hi!  This is our story –  I hope that any reading it may draw some hope from the experiences we have had and are having.  At the very least; to understand that you are not alone.  Everything written in this website is true – no hidden agendas (no ads, no links to book sales etc etc).  Our desire is that someone (anyone!) who is facing the same challenges as us may draw some confidence from our struggles & victories.

It was late January 2013 when my Wife shared with me the information that no partner wishes to hear – that they had been sexually intimate with another.  Our story tells of how the confession of the affair was just the beginning of the ‘challenges’ we were about to face, and how the journey continues with its highs and lows.

Every time I thought I’d hit rock bottom and things were looking up there would be something else that  floored me.  I’ve read pieces of other peoples’ stories on infidelity, looking for some answers, searching for meaning and purpose – but mostly, it either raised more questions or rubbed salt into already blood-raw wounds.  So, what I’d most like to share with you is the hope I have. Not only for those who are still fighting for a resolution, but for those who may feel the boat has sailed.

The first 12 months was the toughest struggle I have ever had to face, ever had to comprehend and especially ever had to work though.  I had  no idea what to expect for the future – whether it was the first day of the inevitable end or the painful beginning of something I was ill equipped to handle.  I chose not to give up on ‘us’ for many reasons, but the road we have since traveled has challenged the strength of my resolve on many occasions.  Many times I doubted whether ‘we’ would make it through the day together, but our ‘new’ relationship is continuing to grow and  is stronger than ever.

I don’t necessarily believe there are any winners in these circumstances, but I do believe we can rise above the past and re-invent our future.

RingsNot only had we been married for 16 years when I found out – we were a strong, committed Christian family.  Or so I thought.  I guess any news such as this challenges everything you thought you knew!

One thing I can say though – as strong willed, resilient, hopeful & bloody-minded as I may think I am, we wouldn’t still  be together if it wasn’t for God.  He was the difference between logic and the illogical, despair and hope, the impossible being made possible.

I don’t  spend the entire of this website speaking on about the difference God has made in giving us hope for tomorrow, but I wont deny that you’ll read that He saved us.  Many times over. And is still doing it.

So the journey began  – each new day was a new beginning.  To me it felt like being a reformed smoker:  you will always be a smoker, it’s just that today you aren’t going to smoke.  Today I am going to work towards victory.

I don’t for a minute believe that ‘who we are’  is nothing more than the sum of our past decisions,  just an ill-fated mess clutching hopelessly on to a chance that tomorrow will be better.  I may be the victim in this scenario, but I am no stranger to bad choices or being the cause of hurt in others.   We can’t escape our choices of the past, even if we close our eyes and bury our heads in the sand –  but, we can choose to face them.   We can beat them and we can grow beyond the heartache with a resolve and character we never knew before.

It wont happen overnight, though.  This has been painfully obvious to me.  Not days, not weeks, not months.  Don’t ever kid yourself.  The road ahead is long and tough.  The website speaks of my  journey from its infancy, where I already felt I had died inside many times over.  Yet, tomorrow is always a gift of a brand new day.

A day where I’ll keep fighting!


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