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COMMENTS MADE BY READERS

Comments and thoughts made by readers to various blog posts or pages get a bit lost over time, so we’re going to include them here.

PLEASE NOTE, these comments are un-edited and do not necessarily express our views or onions.

Anonymous comment

Okay, so I have been following your story for awhile now, and well here is my two cents.

I know that there is a lot going on in both of your lives, and I know you feel unworthy sometimes to be happy but stop. Your affair was in the past and although it took you awhile to be honest the point is you were honest. Quit beating yourself up. If you are trying to make improvements your husband must make improvements too. I am not saying he is completely at fault, but I’m sure the thought in his mind has ran in his head (like it has to me) “What did I do wrong in this relationship to make her go to someone else but me?” So now the question is to him, What can you do too to make this relationship better? Because your wife feels like she is giving but not receiving.

A couple cannot love 30/70 or 20/80 a relationship must be 50/50 or heck, even 100/100. But the point is a couple’s love and relationship efforts must be equal from both sides. Now I know you have reason to argue but remember this is the here and the now. What can you do for each other now?

Now you two have decided to commit to this relationship and at times I know that can be hard. But stop pitying yourself. You are human, and you make mistakes and if it’s one thing I know, it’s that we hurt the people we care about the most, even if we don’t want to. Ma’am, you were assaulted, do not compare that to your past relationships. You were violated and do not take this lightly. Your husband should be there for you and he should understand that this is not even closely relevant to “other men groping you in the past.” I apologize if this is out of term, but that comment was very low and very spiteful, especially if you say you have forgiven your wife for her past actions.

Dale, you seem angry at your wife, you seem like you have a burden in your heart. When you’ve done nothing for the past year but try and let go of your pain. And now you’re letting the devil in? When I first started reading this blog you were confident that “this too shall pass” don’t forget that. I came on here looking for hope because I was put in your place not too long ago, and unfortunately although there is no easy way to deal with these things, I found out on my own. And in the past few months I have realized that not only was my partner having problems in his life but when it came down to it I wasn’t happy with myself either and if I was going to make this relationship work not only did my partner need to change his ways, but I needed to work on myself. And in order for us to be healthy and be together we needed to be healthy as individuals first. To be what the other needed, and I won’t lie to you I am still working on that. Something I suggest to you that maybe helpful is to make time for yourself and yourself only. Don’t solely depend on your wife anymore to make you feel better or make you happy because the only person who can make you happy is YOU. Now, I’m not saying pack your bags and hit the road. I’m just saying perhaps you need to find an outlet. I found that exercising has helped me not to think SO MUCH, especially about the past, and when I’m done I feel like “you know what, that really doesn’t make me upset as I thought it did.” It’s given me something to do. Find something to do, get your mind off of it because if you don’t after awhile it gets exhausting and you’re only hurting yourself the most. Still talk to your wife about your thoughts, your feelings, your pain but don’t let it control your life anymore.

So I’ll leave you both with this,

1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, IT KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONG DOINGS. LOVE DOES NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL BUT REJOICES IN THE TRUTH! It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love NEVER fails.

Comment by Syd

I wish you both the Lord’s best! Be well.

Anonymous comment

D. Warner, if only she knew the ‘why’! Without her dealing with that issue, it is very likely she will cheat on you again. You probably don’t even have the whole truth now. Forgive her and let her go. That’s probably what she wants.

Comment by Syd

Bless you,both! I, too, am a believer and cannot imagine the remote possibility of walking this journey as you have chosen. I found it quite difficult to read the entire length of the blog story, but hung in there hoping to read that this was some sort of test of joke. I am not a psychiatrist,psychologist, or therapist. I am a lover of God and His people and I hope to encourage you.

For the Husband – I’m so sorry to read about your pain and wish you complete healing and restoration. YOU ARE A TRUE BLESSING AND GIFT FROM THE LORD! You are a treasure to your wife, whether she really knows it or not. You are absolutely correct that our thoughts are not His. Having said that, I know you feel strongly that you should stay because you are committed to what you believe the Lord wants from this relationship. What if your thoughts in this are so far from His? Precious, Man of God, you can forgive and move on. What you and your wife are living is not a healthy marital relationship. You both need time to heal, apart from each other. You need counseling and your wife certainly needs extensive counseling. After reading all of this, it saddens me, but, it is very possible that your wife will continue to betray you and not ever be completely honest. I don’t believe that God would want that for you; He loves you so much! In her own way, your wife may be trying to save you by doing things to make you go so that she can get the healing that she needs. She’s not strong enough to walk away because she is living with so much shame and unworthiness. You are enabling her self-destructive behavior.

Maybe, given time and true healing and repentance (she’s not there yet), you can come to a place of really working on building a marriage. That’s a MAYBE! Don’t bank on it. You, your children, and your wife deserve truth and an opportunity to glorify God with this scenario, even if it means a seemingly personal failure. It would not be. Marrying your wife likely was a mistake (I’m sorry). She was not whole and at a place to offer herself and you probably had issues that had not been fully resolved. I can’t help but believe that the Lord gave you some warning in your spirit. Often times, those questions in our spirit are God’s way of alerting us (been there and done that).

I am so praying for your family. I wish you the Lord’s blessings and peace.

For the wife – How much pain you must be in. I pray for you, also. I will admit that a few times I questioned how truthful you’re being and whether or not you are a master manipulator. The answer to these questions are not my call. Whether you are fully aware of what you are doing or whether you are as lost as you seem, IF YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND, free him to be healed and to have an opportunity to be fully used by the Lord. This would take an unselfish act on your part, something you’ve not had much practice at. Your excuses for not disclosing complete truth about your infidelities are not credible and should not be believed. You need professional counseling and how you have not suggested or sought it, is beyond me. There is a part of me that believes you want OUT but don’t want to be the one to leave. Maybe you don’t love your husband, but respect and really like him. It would take a major commitment to make a marriage work under those circumstances. I don’t see what would be necessary in you.

I pray for your deliverance and healing. I pray that you will grow and mature and seek the best for someone other than yourself: your husband, FIRST, and then your children and yourself. Your example is far more damaging and dangerous by continuing in the marriage and continuing the betrayal and deceit.

Marriage is a life-long commitment to an imperfect person that should be lived through honoring the principles in the Word of God. What you two have is not a marriage anymore. Can it be in the future? Are you past the point of reconciling the marriage? That’s the thing with sin; it can be forgiven, but the consequences are long-lasting and life changing. We don’t get to pick them. Sometimes, we can do things that can certainly be forgiven but can no longer be lived in. This could be one such case.

I believe that infidelity can be overcome and forgiven. The new relationship and marriage can be stronger, but the union will be forever different. You can’t unring that bell. I for one, do not believe that every couple will be able to recover, or should. God already knows this and I don’t believe He would want us to suffer in relationships that bring continual pain and grief, such is with your case.

Many, many blessings to you both. I pray for your strength to move forward in love and in Him.

From Kayla

It’s good to come on here and see my feelings aren’t unusual but someone else feels my pain and has been going thorough the emotions I have in the past few months. It is hard to just accept it and be thankful for it. Right now it is hard for me to believe and trust him. That everything he says, he is doing, not communicating with her, not looking back at his past, it’s hard to believe that me the person he couldn’t be faithful to, is the person he is changing and fighting for. I do add fuel to the fire. There are moments when I laugh like nothing has happened and then in mid-laugh I stop and remember. It’s hard to move forward into the pursuit of happiness but I’m ready to rid this heavy heart, this anger and bitterness. Hopefully it will come. Thank you. You guys are helping a lot of people.

Reader comment

I’m in so much pain, I probably lose weigh, I can’t sleep and even eat. I lose my pride, self esteem, my boyfriend is cheating on me. It hurts my heart. I don’t know what to do. He has alot of women, he lies and do things suspectedly. I love my bf and I don’t know what to do.

Reader comment

I cried today too, I’m in so much pain, I know that my boyfriend is cheating on me, his flight was supposed to be on Monday but I got an email that he changed his flight yesterday but he diet come home, and he refused to FaceTime with me. I love him and I don’t know why I’m putting on this crap. Sorry I want to vent out.