My wife’s family history is not necessarily more interesting than mine, but probably more poignant to understand in the context of this website.

She had lived in only one house until we were married (a stark contrast to myself).  Her family were regular church go-ers, but I can only vouch with any certainty that her Father had a genuine faith.  While her Mother went to church, since I have known her she has spent more time fighting ‘faith’ than living it.  She has one brother that is about a year older than her.

She has always been close to her Father, but has never felt any relationship of substance with her mother.  Dad was the kind of guy who would take the kids out for a game of tennis to invest time in their relationship, where Mom would seek a positive response by buying them chocolate.  She was a ‘Daddy’s girl’ while her brother was a ‘Mummy’s boy’.

1books4-med0 – 17:   She was academically high achiever, yet never felt any significance within her peer group.  Even though she succeeded in most of what she did, she never felt it was good enough, especially for her Mother.   Her Mother seemed to desire to live vicariously though her daughter’s successes rather than let her be herself.  She was expected to study a musical instrument from the age of three (until 16yrs), but more-so at the desire of her Mother than her own.  This involved many musical competitions/eisteddfods and even a TV game show appearance.  She was very driven to achieve, but her successes never felt they lived up to the expectations of her mother.  Even if they did – she never showed it.

The one thing that she really wanted to do for herself (swimming) – and was good at – she had no choice in giving up so she could learn a second musical instrument.  Mother called the shots.  She never had any friends invited around after school – she was always too busy.  Even then, I don’t think it was ever encouraged.  She led a particularly lonely childhood, being wrapped up in someone else’s plans.

High School was no different.  High achiever in everything, yet it still never felt it was good enough.  During her mid-teens she was having anxiety issues.  Her parents thought she was having a nervous breakdown.  Instead at looking at the possible causes, they took her to a breathing technique class to help her solve ‘her issues’.  This once again compounded the already existing issues.

Lonely_bench_1_by_mezuss-d524dn2She had a terrible image of herself, never succeeding, no closeness to her mother, no real friends.  Her parent’s house is a constant mess, filled up with her mother’s collections and hobbies.  Even if she felt she had a friend to invite around – she always felt too embarrassed to do so.  She was also embarrassed to introduce them to Mom, who doesn’t always display a high level of tact and social etiquette.

The first time I ever went around to her house after a Church youth group meeting  (she was reluctant to have anyone around),  her mother (in true form) came out to the living room and gave the group a telling off for unrealistic reason.  All this did was make her feel more alienated.

 All in all, she felt lonely and unworthy.


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