boyfriend-n-girlfriend-11981Young Adult:  She had a few boyfriends though High School and University, which seems to contradict what I have said previously.   They were mostly from outside her School/Church social circle, more ‘fringe’ boyfriends I guess.  When you are pretty, slim, blonde and smart – even if your peer group seems to ignore you – you are bound to get some attention somewhere.  Still, her  feelings of rejection remained, possibly equating her ‘boyfriends’  more as giving her  ‘attention’, rather than friendship/relationship.  I’m sure they weren’t shallow people, but they did little to fill the void of self worth that had grown so powerfully in her.

She graduated from High School with brilliant grades, yet still it never felt a success.  She started studying  at University after the summer break and immediately was succeeding academically.  During a vacation period for University, she traveled across the country for some vacation work – hands on experience in the industry.  It was here her life changed.  For the first time she tasted freedom from her parents.  No current peer group or family to answer to, 1000’s 0f miles from home with no-one watching over her shoulder – all while earning more money than ever before.

The fall: Much of the social life revolved around heading down to the local social club after work for a drink.  A lot of drink on the weekends.  This was the norm for her.  One night, after possibly a few too many drinks, she received the physical advances from one her co-workers.  She wasn’t expecting or seeking anything different from the minor physical attention she received from previous boyfriends.  Except that this guy wasn’t wooing her at a Church Youth meeting.  Throw in a bit of naivety and loneliness, with the adrenalin rush of attention, alcohol and freedom – she was soon in a scenario she wasn’t expecting and felt she couldn’t get out of.  It matters little now that once she accepted his invitation back to his room she had assumed it wouldn’t  progress the way it did   –  but that night her innocence was lost.

images (1)She wholeheartedly regretted it the next day – it was not the way she wanted her ‘first time’ to happen.  But, most likely in a way to soften or justify that night, she continued a sexual relationship with him.  After a couple of months she called it off, trying to restore her damaged relationship God and belief in herself.  While sitting upon a small hill overlooking the town, she read her bible, trying to understand what  she had let herself get in to.  Unfortunately, those thoughts didn’t last long.  The next night she once again was at the Club drinking and slept with another guy.

A few nights later, after pouring her heart out to God in remorse again – it happened once more with a 3rd.

Once she returned back home she knew she was different.  At the next Church Youth event, she took one of her friends aside and told her, trying to find some peace through honesty and hopefully find forgiveness.

Our relationship:  As mentioned in ‘His Story’, before we got together she was dating another.  After she shared her experience with him it was the beginning of the end.  When she tried to share the story with me (once together), I wouldn’t let her tell me.  I had heard all I needed to know from her ex-boyfriend and the details were inconsequential for our future together.  I wanted her to feel like her past was given to God, as that’s as far as it needed to go.

The Vac-work trip while we were together was hard on her also.  She was lonely, but I tried to bridge the gap with many phone calls, flowers, letters and presents sent across country.   There was the small incident of a bit of smooching on New Year’s Eve, but in the context of new beginnings I forgave and we moved on.

lonelyHer Mother wasn’t all that happy with our relationship (her Father liked me though). She asked her if she was going date her way through all of the Church youth group, as well as her comments after the bridal shower. She tried to manipulate and control various aspects of the time leading up to the wedding (Engagement party, wedding shoes, other things relating to herself) that didn’t fair well. I can understand that as a Mother, you’d like to pass down some things from your own wedding/experiences – but the relationship between them simply wasn’t there. Too little to late.  We compromised in the interest of the family, but it was a stressful time for her –  especially as she was still living at home.

Yet, the Wedding day finally came and we headed of into our new future!


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