His Story:

The day after I learnt that my wife’s affair was a bona fide relationship, not just a fling, was quite surreal.  Not long ago I had promised myself that I’d never let her lie to me again.  I hadn’t considered what I’d do if she was caught out once more though – yet there I was facing that question.

It was a scary day of battling the subconscious of every scenario being played out of both extremes – separation or staying together.  I had all the justifications to call it off months ago, but I guess this time was even scarier.  I got on with my day without trying to force a decision, while being very aware of the subtle pressures of worldly views weighing against me.  But there was this voice inside me giving me another choice:   “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” Isaiah 55:8.  Was God even bigger than this day’s problems?

Her Story:

Admitting to my Husband, and to myself that the affair was an actual relationship was scary.  I didn’t know what he was going to do or say.  I had to go to work that day, I had an important meeting to attend, but I would have preferred to curl up in bed in the foetal position for as long as possible.  But off I went to work, and my meeting, put on a brave face while inside I had complete turmoil. 

never be afraidI mentioned in my blog that when she came home that night and saw the car in the driveway that she almost burst in to tears.  When I opened the door for her, she fought back a tear and simply said “thankyou for being home”.  There was still much to discuss.  The kid’s were happily playing in their rooms, so we took a moment while laying on our bed to share our feelings. 

We were both battling the question of whether or not we’d be better off apart, or to keep fighting to save our marriage.  It wasn’t that we didn’t want to be together, it was that the grief being caused by the brokenness was weighing heavily on both of us.  At one stage of the discussion she rolled over, turning her back on and said “maybe it’s just better if I leave”.  I knew she didn’t want to – and not just for selfish reasons.  She deeply regrets and is grieving the time that we have lost together.  I guessed she was waiting for me to give her the nudge; to say “yeah, I think it’s time”.  I didn’t. 

I still see so much in her – beyond all the crap and pain.  No amount of bad family history or self image issues will justify the choices she made against me and our family, but beneath the layers of guilt, shame, heartache & regret – there is a wonderful creation of God waiting to be re-born.   

I don’t feel I am currently married to her – that boat sailed long ago.  But I do feel that we are building a new, better relationship.  

If we choose to fight for it.

 Coming home that night, as soon as I could after my meeting had finished, I was praying that I would have another opportunity to see my Husband and kids again.  I had no idea whether he would just leave the house with them, or I’d find all my stuff on the front lawn, or what.

I knew this was another cross-roads … and this seemed more scary than any other time.  I thought he would be better off without me in his life, no more drama, no more worrying about betrayal, or what I haven’t told him yet.  I didn’t want to leave, but wanted to put his needs above my own.  I offered to sleep in another room, give him space if he needed it, but he didn’t agree to that idea.

I told him I wanted to fight for our relationship, that I wished things hadn’t happened, but I wanted him to know how special he is (and was) and how I regretted treating him so poorly.  All I can do is follow what God wants in my life for me now – whether that is with my Husband, or by myself, all I can do is trust God.


 

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